Rons nature documentary
by Iorek Weasley
Summary: Ron does a documentary on "gits". My first fanfic. Please R/R &dont nit pick.
1. Default Chapter

a/n. please dont flame this too much. I know im taking the mickey,  
but i like to play with bad habits.  
ps. i am not h/r i HATE serious romance!  
  
::DISCLAIMER:: harry potter charachters not mine, jk rowlings. i have   
used jk rowlings world of magic i dont claim the rights to them eca.   
  
  
  
  
Rons nature documentary: **the gits of the british isles**  
  
  
**credits begin: tigers playing: stick insects: big spotty fish: drum   
beats in the background**  
  
ron: hello, welcome to rons amazing adventures.  
  
hermione(filming): what about me!  
  
ron: what about you?  
  
hermione(filming):you get to wear a safari suit and hold cockatoos! i   
step in mud, get attacked by tigers, get eaten alive by mosqitoes and   
still keep filming, jerk!  
  
ron: oh shut up brainbox  
  
hermione(filming):i resent that!  
  
ron: back to the film then. here we see the hairy, long toothed git  
  
hermione(filming):where?  
  
ron:**coughs loudly** um, nowhere.  
  
hermione(filming):can we get going?  
  
ron: yes, let us.  
  
hermione(filming):thank you.  
  
ron: come with ron, as he dives into ze grimy castille de hogwartez,  
in search of ze wily, and elusive blond haired git.  
  
**enter malfoy**  
  
ron: ahoy! a fine specimen!  
  
malfoy: what are you looking at weasley?  
  
ron: we must be vairy cairful...  
  
malfoy: oh, we are playing french nature documentary presenters are  
we  
  
ron: az you can see, he has ze brain capacity of a flesh eating slug.  
  
malfoy: hey! take it back, no friggin weasley will say that to me.  
  
ron: perhaps i am miztaken, he has less.  
  
malfoy:oh yeah weasley? well take this: SERPENSORTIA!!!  
  
ron: ah bugger!  
  
****TiMe PaSsEs****  
  
new setting **st mungos hospital for: oh, i am NOT going to type it.**  
  
ron: hmmmmmmm  
  
hermione(visiting): i know, lets visit lockhart!  
  
ron:NO!  
  
hermione(visiting):oh come on.  
  
ron:oh fine.  
  
hermione(visiting):just get some clothes on ok  
  
ron:what?  
  
hermione(visiting):you can see your butt in that hospital apron.  
  
ron:what? **turns around** arrrrrrghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**enter lockhart**  
  
lockhart: hello? is this the toilet?  
  
ron:NO, GET LOST FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
hermione(lovesick):SHUT UP RON, YOU CAN SEE HIS ARSE!!!   
**faints with pleasure**  
  
ron: AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111  
  
**ron springs up, kicks lockhart in the nuts, and runs, butt showing  
and all to gryffindor tower dorms**  
  
**Voldemort flies up to the window**  
  
voldemort:bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
to be continued, of course. 


	2. rons nature documentary, part the second

a/n. here it is, the second chapter. i think its a good deal wierder, thanks to   
those who reviewed my last one :-)  
  
  
::DISCLAIMER:: harry potter charachters not mine, jk rowlings. i have   
used jk rowlings world of magic i dont claim the rights to them eca.   
  
  
  
Rons nature documentary: **the gits of the british isles**  
part the second  
  
  
voldemort:bwahahahahahahahaha  
  
ron:ummmmmmmmmmm ok this is um........bad.  
  
**enter wormtail**  
  
ron:oh yeah, definitely bad, hmmmmmmmmm, what to do.........  
  
**inside rons brain, lots of little rons carry around thoughts he   
is having. such as "run for it", "get dumbledore" and "padma patil is pretty   
sexy" he settles for "get dumbledore"**  
  
ron:ok, getting dumbledore...... where does he live?  
  
**then a light bulb appears over his head, blinding wormtail & voldemort**  
  
ron: ACCIO DUMBLEDORE!  
  
**in the distance is a faint screaming, getting rapidly closer, then a portrait  
ripping, screams, and an old man screaming foul obscenities, then the sound of  
someone falling up stairs, along with more swearing, and then albus dumbledore  
smashed through the door**  
  
dumbldore: you bastards!!!!!  
  
ron: sir, voldemort, here.  
  
dumbldore: i noticed.  
  
voldemort: STUPEFY!  
  
dumbledore: holy shi- oooff!!!!!  
  
voldemort: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!   
  
ron: ok, next try. ACCIO HERMIONE!  
  
**more screaming in the distance, and hermione comes crashing through the  
window**  
  
hermione(puffing): you bastards!!!!!   
  
ron: help me you doofus!  
  
hermione(puffing): no!  
  
ron: why not?  
  
hermione(puffing): cuz you just made me smash through a window! Jerek!  
  
ron: jerek?  
  
hermione(annoyed): the author can't spell.  
  
voldemort: **ahem!!!!** take notice of me please.  
  
ron: you keep out of this ok?  
  
voldemort:AVADA-  
  
ron, hermione(scared):ok, we're listening, we're listening!!!  
  
voldemort: ok, here is the story, im bored, and i love to play with  
youre emotions, so you have till twilight to bring me a warp, or youre  
headmaster gets it. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!  
  
ron: fine by me.  
  
hermione(scared): shut up ron! well take the challenge!  
  
  
to be continued, of course.  
  



	3. rons nature documentary, part the third

a/n third chapter is here, sorry its so late.   
  
  
  
::DISCLAIMER:: harry potter charachters not mine, jk rowlings. i have   
used jk rowlings world of magic i dont claim the rights to them eca.   
  
  
  
Rons nature documentary: **the gits of the british isles**  
part the third (finale)  
  
ron: so, voldie ummmmmmm...... just what is a warp?  
  
voldemort: im not telling. bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!  
  
ron: ok, hermione do you know?  
  
hermione(know it all): yep.  
  
ron: then what is it? a portal? a wormhole? a gateway?  
  
hermione(gloating): four herrings.  
  
ron: four herrings?????  
  
hermione(gloating): yep  
  
ron: how the hell did you know that?  
  
hermione(gloating):just one of those things  
  
ron: well, lets go to the kitchens  
  
hermione(agreeing): ok, lets  
  
hermione(really pissed off):will the bloody authour stop putting what   
im doing next to my name for crying out loud!!!!!!  
  
iorek weasley:sorry, but three weeks ago it seemed to be a good idea  
  
hermione:im just frigging tired of it ok???????  
  
iorek weasley:ok, ok, already  
  
hermione:thank you.  
  
**they go down to the kitchens**  
  
ron: oi! elves, bring me a dozen pounds of honeydukes best chocolate,  
and a flagon of mulled wine  
  
hermione: RON!!!! youre treasurer for s.p.e.w.  
  
ron:so?  
  
hermione:elvie welvies,would you please get me four herrings please?  
  
**enter dobby**  
  
dobby: ooooooooohhhhhh!!!! missus, mister,please stay for a cup of tea!!!  
oh, where is harry potter?  
  
ron: he is indisposed   
  
dobby: why?  
  
ron: cuz the friggin author is too lazy to work harry into the storyline  
  
iorek weasley: oi!  
  
ron: shut up you twit!  
  
iorek weasley: oh, im a pregnant goldfish now am i?  
  
ron: huh?  
  
iorek weasley: never mind  
  
**elves run up screaming with the herrings, chocolate, and wine**  
  
hermione: thank you little guys **beams**  
  
ron: come on hermione, the author is going to go to dinner soon......  
  
hermione: really? whats he having?  
  
ron: come ON!  
  
**they run up to the dorms**  
  
voldemort: thanks for the herrings guys  
  
ron: so save dumbledore!  
  
voldemort: no! bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ron: why not?  
  
voldemort: what did you expect? happy familys?  
  
**at that moment, ron gets an idea**  
  
ron: look! a dementor!  
  
voldemort: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**voldemort flies off into the distance on a herring that he just enchanted**  
  
ron:well, thats that then  
  
hermione:yep, he is gone for a while at least  
  
**dumbledore wakes up**  
  
dumbledore: jeez, you could have woken me  
  
ron: sorry professor, too busy  
  
wormtail: um, guys, im still here  
  
ron: shut up you!  
  
**everyone in the room kicks wormtail to get thier days stress out**  
  
AND SO ENDS OUR LITTLE STORY (yaaaaaay)  
  
but im not going away though, ill avenge this ending (i hate endings)  
with something wierder and wierder still!!!!!!! (yep, thats how my mind   
works,the wierder the better)  
  
which leaves only one question to go.........  
does harry make an appearance?  
the answer: yes! right now!  
  
**enter harry**  
  
harry: dum the doo dah day.......  
  
**exit harry**  
  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**drum beats, big spotty fish, lionesses, boring credits, and some guy  
in overtone telling us about days of our lives**  
  



End file.
